Do Our Children Rule Our Lives?

It was presented to us this Sunday that people in our society idolize children. Back in the day (I figure this to be before 1960), children were meant to be seen and not heard. My father has reminded us that on a number of occasions. He has talked about how adults got together and children were then expected to find something to do on their own-quietly. They sat at a different table to eat. Parents were not expected to listen or entertain them. There were unspoken rules on behavior and you just "did" without having to be told-or else. I am not saying that this should be the way it is today, but I cannot help but wonder if we have not indeed swung in the complete opposite direction.

Let's take a case in point. My husband, Stallion. When not working the night shift, he is either 1. sleeping or 2. interacting with our children. He is a wonderful dad, but I almost see him as my children's playmate and entertainer. I will even go so far as to say that my boys' friends have asked if my husband can "come out to play." When my boys have friends sleepover, my husband is frequently asked to entertain them. He will chase them around the yard, throw the ball (whatever sport ball is in season), take them somewhere, or play video games with them. I am never asked. Perhaps it is because I am a girl, or more likely, because they know I won't. I am the one they come to for drinks, snacks, meals, and treats. If they have an injury, it's me. My husband is invited into the elite children's circle. a place I don't belong.

This has, at times, caused some issues in our relationship. I am, how shall I say it, high maintenance. I enjoy nice clothes, good food, good company, and adult time. As much as I love my children and care for their needs, I do not feel my whole being revolves around how I can provide nurturing stimulation for them. Maybe it is because of this detachment, I have noticed that today's youth (including my own) lack the boundaries that children once had. They refer to adults by their first names (Hey Jenny!) or they have no qualms about interrupting us while we are on the phone or even talking to another adult in person (hey mom?, excuse me, excuse me, mom?, mom?). They don't open doors for others, they burp at the table, or fart. They don't address others when they are spoken to, they don't know how to write a thank you note on paper, and basically, lack the social etiquette necessary to be considered appropriate. I often ponder how to allow my children to have fun, be boys, and at the same time, raise them so they become productive members of society capable of providing another human being with a fulfilling relationship. I am raising future men, after all. They will be someones boyfriend, husband, father, co-worker and I want them to experience joy in their lives.

That leads me to a possible solution. We need to introduce beginning socialization classes, or etiquette classes, into our children's lives. Not just telling them what to do, like in the past, but explaining to them WHY we do those things. Respect shown for others around us is respect shown for ourselves. Part of that is teaching them how to behave on their own, entertain themselves, and not rely on others to constantly provide for their nonessential needs. As I write this, Stallion is packing up all the supplies necessary for my boys to attend a weekend of basketball, hotel reverie, and skiing. Whoopee! I actually am looking very forward to this weekend, but I can hear my boys now if they read this- "Aw mom, you're no fun."

Starting Over

This year, I will turn 40. It doesn't happen till November 29, so it gives me plenty of time to prepare. I want you to know that this continuing of the clock to turn and get me that much closer to this age does not bother me, but instead, gives me time to think about how I want to change and what I want the beginning of life at 40 to look like. Instead of making New Year's resolutions this year, I set into my head a mantra of "Fit by 40." I keep saying it to myself to remind myself of what I want to accomplish. I will now layout for you what this means to me, and up until November 29, will let you know of my progress or digressions as the clock ticks closer.

One of my first goals, was to increase my physical activity in order to be physically fit by 40. I did not set a weight loss goal because I felt that I would feel instant failure when not getting immediate gratification, and would sink into a Culver's Concrete with cookie dough faster than my husband could turn his head so as to pretend not to see me. Let's face it, I have never been the smallest of girls. I like to refer to my body build as "athletic" and I know most of my close friends have heard me use that term. I am not sure who I am kidding with this phrase as I don't think I have been "athletic" since high school. Maybe I am referring to my strong and muscular thighs that could lift a heavy weight, or my plump bottom and large Popeye-like calves (just kidding about that last one). I certainly am not "defined," cannot run fast or for long distances, or think anyone else would consider me athletic. Well, I do have plenty of workout clothing, so there- I am athletic.

Second, I set the personal goal to read the Bible in one year. I reached this goal a couple of years back, but the life lessons in the Bible never go out of style and I find that I am better able to go about my day and my life with even just a little bit of God in my mind. A good friend provided me with a Bible meant for this exact goal, so it keeps me on track. So far, so good.

Last, I wanted to change the way I treated myself. Being a stay-at-home mom can mean many days go by of wearing your stretchy clothing with no makeup and settling for your hair up in a pony tail. I need to feel better and take more pride in my appearance, plus, I need to get rid of some small wrinkles and discoloration that has shown up as a result of aging hormones and apparently smiling too much. It would be cheaper for me to just quit smiling and laughing, but I opted for buying new products for my face and hair. Arbonne, to be exact. I wanted natural, but proven to work, so I admired some of my friends complexions, then asked them what they used. Well, Arbonne is it. Since I don't do anything half-a**, I decided to buy everything I needed to do my face first. The lesson which was conducted at my good friend E's house was informative and humbling. Who knew I was doing it all wrong? No wonder I was a mess. She will fix everything for me and I will look fab by 40 for sure. I think she thinks it's all up to me, but I will blame her anyway if I fail to follow through and don't see results that appear to be similar to those of cosmetic surgery. (just kidding E!)

I figure if I can work on all these 3 areas and get them down by 40, all life's problems will disappear and utopia will be the result. Wait, what to do with my family?