It was presented to us this Sunday that people in our society idolize children. Back in the day (I figure this to be before 1960), children were meant to be seen and not heard. My father has reminded us that on a number of occasions. He has talked about how adults got together and children were then expected to find something to do on their own-quietly. They sat at a different table to eat. Parents were not expected to listen or entertain them. There were unspoken rules on behavior and you just "did" without having to be told-or else. I am not saying that this should be the way it is today, but I cannot help but wonder if we have not indeed swung in the complete opposite direction.
Let's take a case in point. My husband, Stallion. When not working the night shift, he is either 1. sleeping or 2. interacting with our children. He is a wonderful dad, but I almost see him as my children's playmate and entertainer. I will even go so far as to say that my boys' friends have asked if my husband can "come out to play." When my boys have friends sleepover, my husband is frequently asked to entertain them. He will chase them around the yard, throw the ball (whatever sport ball is in season), take them somewhere, or play video games with them. I am never asked. Perhaps it is because I am a girl, or more likely, because they know I won't. I am the one they come to for drinks, snacks, meals, and treats. If they have an injury, it's me. My husband is invited into the elite children's circle. a place I don't belong.
This has, at times, caused some issues in our relationship. I am, how shall I say it, high maintenance. I enjoy nice clothes, good food, good company, and adult time. As much as I love my children and care for their needs, I do not feel my whole being revolves around how I can provide nurturing stimulation for them. Maybe it is because of this detachment, I have noticed that today's youth (including my own) lack the boundaries that children once had. They refer to adults by their first names (Hey Jenny!) or they have no qualms about interrupting us while we are on the phone or even talking to another adult in person (hey mom?, excuse me, excuse me, mom?, mom?). They don't open doors for others, they burp at the table, or fart. They don't address others when they are spoken to, they don't know how to write a thank you note on paper, and basically, lack the social etiquette necessary to be considered appropriate. I often ponder how to allow my children to have fun, be boys, and at the same time, raise them so they become productive members of society capable of providing another human being with a fulfilling relationship. I am raising future men, after all. They will be someones boyfriend, husband, father, co-worker and I want them to experience joy in their lives.
That leads me to a possible solution. We need to introduce beginning socialization classes, or etiquette classes, into our children's lives. Not just telling them what to do, like in the past, but explaining to them WHY we do those things. Respect shown for others around us is respect shown for ourselves. Part of that is teaching them how to behave on their own, entertain themselves, and not rely on others to constantly provide for their nonessential needs. As I write this, Stallion is packing up all the supplies necessary for my boys to attend a weekend of basketball, hotel reverie, and skiing. Whoopee! I actually am looking very forward to this weekend, but I can hear my boys now if they read this- "Aw mom, you're no fun."
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